My Belissa character has gotten a lot more response than I imagined, and it's blowing me away. Some of what I'm seeing disgusts, worries, and depresses me... but I knew I was kind of inviting a lot of those responses, so it would be disingenuous to be scandalized.
I didn't set out to perform some kind of social experiment, but I do tend to analyze things, particularly if I think something is being said about our society, sexuality, or views about women. I really just thought the exaggeration that is Belissa was kind of funny. I've known Belissa. I can be Belissa, when I'm not thinking. (Heh. I meant... whatever.) I think I have some vague idea about what it is that creates Belissa.
Anyway, the point was absurdity. It was silliness. I've had some questions posed, though, and I thought I'd share my thoughts. Feel free to disagree, roll your eyes, or tut: but if that's the case, do argue. I'm open to thoughts on this. These are some of the issues I spend a lot of time, outside of Belissa, worrying about.
---
After a lot of encouragement, the first negative response I got to the Belissa videos came from someone I barely know, on MySpace. He said I was running the joke into the ground and that it was annoying. (Not a view I can't understand, but I was surprised he felt strongly enough to message me about it. Couldn't he just stop looking? I figured there were plenty of people who didn't get the joke or find it funny who were just ignoring me. Which is fine. I liked that some people DID find it amusing, as I did.) I pressed him for an explanation, and he said:
I felt bad you criticized dumb people, or someone who was dumb (real or imginary). I am on your blog list... Up till "Belissa" (the first one was pretty funny) your blogs were pretty open hearted. Maybe sometimes I am someones else's "Belissa".
So obviously I don't want to make anyone feel bad. My first response was guilt, immediately overcome by a defensive, "What?! It's a joke!" I thought about it for a while. Was I being mean? I didn't intend to. Obviously, there are some qualities about people (often women) I'm satirizing because I don't like what they mean, but I didn't feel any specific animosity. I replied:
"I'm sorry you felt like I was being mean. Belissa is an exaggeration of things that are in me, too, after all. I like shoes and shopping and pretty pink stuff; Belissa is obsessed with (her weird idea of) fashion and self-identifies through her more shallow pursuits. Sometimes I feel dumb and inarticulate; don't we all? I hope a lot of people laugh WITH me at this, because there's a general acknowledgment that I'm partially making fun of myself along with some of these other traits. After all... it's ME. Belissa wears my clothes, lives in my house, etc etc.
I think I am an open-hearted person, and I thank you for acknowledging that. I'm also someone who likes to laugh and find the comedic value in absurdity and in playing parts. Exaggeration and satire are my preferred forms of comedy.
Hope that helps you understand, even if you still don't like it. Playing characters and poking at people's perceptions is something I really enjoy. See also: Manny. A lot of people are highly disturbed when I dress like or act like that character. They don't know what to think about a girl who would let herself look that ugly. Isn't it a girl's job to constantly try to be appealing to men? (No!) There are social questions and ramifications behind all of this, and in fact, with Belissa... she is part of this world, I think, a baffled pawn in a patriarchy, where she wants to be strong and independent, but she has so little idea of how to do it because she is responding the way she hears the world tell her to-- by showing her cleavage (being "sexy"), by talking in a baby voice (being "sexy"), by trying to sound more knowledgeable than she is (and failing)... but what does she get for it? Called a slut. By strangers. I think that poses some EXCELLENT questions-- and why can't we laugh at it simultaneously?"
He sent me a very nice reply, thanking me for my explanation and saying he understood, so thankfully, this had a happy outcome. I'm not sure I was completely clear or even totally right, but that's the way I thought about it when asked. I think it's true that those are my underlying motivations, though really, I didn't sit down and think it out beforehand with respect to Belissa. I wasn't consciously trying to invite social change so much as I was just having a (somewhat bitter, I guess) laugh and being silly.
----
Speaking of it being ME under there.
I created a profile on a social site for Belissa. This is a site where I have a real profile, too, and though we look the same, Belissa has gotten more messages and come-ons in three days than I have in three months. This was somewhat disheartening. As you can imagine, Belissa's profile is full of the kind of shallow, misspelled, nonsensical "observations" you see in the videos. This, I guess(?), actually DOES make her more attractive than her twin sister, me. The responses are not just from men who appear to share her "values," either. I don't want to jump the gun with assumptions, but everything I can think of to explain this kind of horrifies me.
Then there are the comment responses on YouTube. Some sick/weird Kauffman-esque (heh) part of me delights in the upset Belissa causes when people think she's real. The responses to those who believe she's in earnest range from bemused ("O, Belissa. You're a goddess!"), pessimistically concerned ("You don't really think this, do you? Because..."), to leering ("You're sexy," "Nice tits," I've even gotten some unsolicited cock shots sent to me/her), and finally to antagonistic and rude. Those last are the ones that give me a kick. I start out being amused by them, then really worried. Let's face it: It's a strange masochism on my part, really, hoping for those responses. On one hand, I'm glad someone didn't just accept Belissa's crap, and I'm tickled that they believed her enough to be provoked. This is what really begs the questions. Why are they so bothered? Why is this the response they have to her? Why do they take it personally? What is the subtext here, on both sides? On the other hand, the way they attack her makes me feel really shitty about humanity in general. Not least is the fact that the attacks, though on Belissa, are often on me. I try to consider them in context and recognize that they were somewhat invited, but I'm human. Look at this comment, posted on the "Belissa vs The Haters" video:
now i aint no hater, props for doing this vlog but man ur shit is whack! first of all on the herpes thing if you gonna talk bout it then get your facts straight plus showin those gross boobs of yours dont help and of course you aint no slut who would want to have sex with u with the lights on cuz u nasty, lose some weight girl cuz ppl dont get what u say with your heavy breathing , BTW who's taping u your mom? man tell them to tape your face not your boobs dont u know that demises women duh!
Wow.
haha. WOW.
First of all, this person is absolutely right about some things, if she believes Belissa is a real person and is in earnest. Of course the herpes discourse is ridiculous (though guess what? Dr Zoo told me it is actually true that dogs get herpes! Huh!), and yes it certainly is, in my view, degrading to make a point of pushing as much cleavage as you can into every video you make, in hopes that people will watch.
I know this person felt very strongly and decided to lash out by hitting where it hurts, and the things that upset her aren't actually true of me, but it's likely nobody's idea of a good time to hear that they need to lose weight and that their "boobs" are "gross." Whoops.
I let this get to me enough that I sent the person a private message. (Like an idiot, I copied it, failed to paste it anywhere, and then continued to put other things on my clipboard, so I don't have the actual message.) I explained basically that I agreed it could be degrading and dehumanizing for a woman to act as though her only value lies in her ability to attract sexual attention, but that there were other things I felt were degrading and dehumanizing... like the kind of vitriol she was spewing at Belissa. You can't have it both ways. You can't tell a woman she is wrong for using her sexuality to try to validate herself, but then turn around and tell her she's not worthy of finding love or attention BECAUSE she isn't attractive. I asked her, basically, if she felt she was so knowledgeable and superior, why did she have to take such an adversarial tone with a girl who she felt was obviously lacking in self esteem? Was she jealous? Does she believe women are, or should be, in competition with each other? Is that competition about our sexual worth? Was the worst thing she could think to say about Belissa's BEHAVIOR and the content of her words... related to the size or appearance of her breasts... about whether or not they were hot enough? WHAT THE FUCK? I suggested that if she really felt more enlightened than Belissa, perhaps she could have offered some sort of help, stayed silent, or failing that mercy, find someone her own "size" to pick on.
Then again, maybe I could have, too. It's not as though the person I sent this to is going to thank me for the lesson, right? If it's understood in the first place, I suspect the person will resent the message. I let my hurt feelings make me preachy, and I know that. However, I felt like I articulated some of the things I'd been feeling pretty well in my response, and I wanted to share it in order to get some feedback.
If only I weren't stupid enough to have lost it.
Maybe it will show up later in my sent box, and I'll edit this.
Thoughts? At all?